Reasons I Question My Driving Ability

I park at the way end of the parking lot


You don’t have to worry about fighting me for a good parking spot because I surrender it up to the good drivers of the world freely. I always start out with an optimistic attitude. Maybe, just maybe I actually won’t have to park incredibly far away from the building and be drenched in sweat with frizz-ridden hair by the time I get to where I’m going… But instead the comfort and ease with which I can park in the almost creepily abandoned parking spots trumps the intimidation and fear of parking in the closer, jam-packed spaces.

If a car is driving behind me it makes me nervous…..


This isn’t weird is it? I’m one of those easily-intimidated drivers (in case you couldn’t tell from the paragraph above), so when a car is behind me I feel like I’m being bullied into speeding up or driving “like a normal person.” Usually, I thank God when a car passes me and I can go back to being in my delusional world where the road is my kingdom and I can command it however I please.

I ignore those little lights that pop up in my car when I’m driving


The three that currently keep popping up in my car are “check oil” (I keep telling myself I will mainly because my car refuses to stop nagging me about it), “track off” (or something like that… does anyone even know what this means?), and I think the third one is “check engine” or “service vehicle” or something along those lines. It always pops up simultaneously with “track off” but they pop up so frequently that I’ve become a pro at ignoring them (that’s something I should be proud of right?). My car is getting so annoying with these lights I almost feel like telling the car to “track off.”

Someone told me that these car lights are only incredibly serious if they’re flashing in red, so I took that as the go-ahead to ignore them altogether unless one of the almighty red lights starts flashing.

I’m missing one of my mirrors


This is not something I am proud of, but one morning I didn’t defrost my car windows completely and ended up running into our trashcan…. Sayonara right rear-view mirror. Technically I’m not really “missing” the mirror because it’s duct-taped on… But it just doesn’t feel the same. Or look the same.

I forget that my car has a car-horn (but I’ve noticed other people don’t seem to have this problem)


There are times when, if cars appear suddenly (I swear they just appear out of nowhere) and I’m frightened, I just end up screaming like a maniac in my car. I seem to forget in these moments that the other car (or driver I should say… Yes I forget too that car’s aren’t actually living beings…. really scary living beings) can’t actually hear me, and that the horn built into my steering wheel actually has a purpose. However, other people seem to enjoy reminding me about their car horn’s purpose. But I take their frequent reminders as genuine concern for my safety. So thank you drivers who honk at me!

Of course… There are also reasons that lead me to believe I’m an awesome driver which include but are not limited to the following facts.

I can drive in heels


Some people may consider this dangerous, but I consider it a testament to my truly top-notch driving abilities.

I can decorate the inside of my car pretty nicely


My car might not look like what’s pictured above, but I still enjoy personalizing my car interior. And if there’s one thing you think when you see a car interior as pictured above it’s probably, “wow that person must be a GREAT driver.” Right?

If any of the above applied to you, you too may be a bad driver. But don’t worry, just buy a really awesome new pair of heels and everything will be okay. If buying them doesn’t make your poor driving skills feel compensated for, then the thrill of shopping should at least calm your feelings of inadequacy for a little while…

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