Why You Should Stop Apologizing

Recently I started to notice all the little things I say sorry for. I’ll say sorry for asking for something at a restaurant, stating an opinion that might be a little controversial, or stumbling over a sentence or word. Then I realized it’s not just me – saying sorry is an epidemic. Particularly as women, we apologize all too often for things that in the grand scheme of things is not a huge deal. There is certainly a time and place for apologizing and I’m not suggesting you stop saying sorry completely (if you ate your roommates leftover chipotle you should probably say sorry for that). But here are a few of the reasons why you need to stop apologizing.

 

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1. It Gives Others Power Over You

A lot of times, as women we apologize to make sure we aren’t offending anyone or because we don’t wanna come off as too strong or too sure of ourselves (especially in front of our superiors). I know I personally will sometimes find myself apologizing over the tiniest little things and then think to myself ‘why am I saying sorry for that?’ This doesn’t mean there aren’t ever times when apologizing is necessary. Sure it has its time and place. But you should never apologize for every little thing you say and do, giving others authority and power over you. Stumble over a word in a conference room meeting? So what? We’re all human and there’s no need to be sorry over trivial things.

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2. It Lowers Your Credibility

Studies have been done that show the more powerless language you use (such as “um” “ah” or saying a sentence as a question instead of a definitive declaration), the less credible you come off. What’s more, women on average tend to use powerless language more often than men. It’s the way we were raised. We’re taught to be polite and not too sure of ourselves. But it’s high time we start owning our confidence.

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3. You Deserve To Own Your Confidence

The culture that engenders us to say sorry over every little thing we say and do is one which diminishes our confidence, self-esteem, and sense of capability. You are every bit as capable, intelligent, and independent as your co-workers, peers, friends and so on. There’s no need to apologize for it. I can’t say this enough – own it.

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4. Because It’s Okay To Ask For What You Deserve

Whether you’re asking for a raise or an extra lemon in your water at dinner there’s no reason to start your request with “sorry but….” Of course you also shouldn’t come off as entitled, but there is a happy medium between arrogance and absolute timidity. Search for that happy medium and run with it.

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5. You’ll Feel Better About Yourself

I’ve just recently started to consciously catch myself when I’m about to say sorry for something trivial. Now that I’ve rephrased my requests or the way I interact with others in a way that is unapologetic, I’ve noticed a difference in myself. I feel more confident because I act more confident and don’t let others have unnecessary authority over me. I’m still humble and I’m still respectful, I’m just not sorry for being who I am.

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5 thoughts on “Why You Should Stop Apologizing

  1. So very true, you can apologise constantly for the tiniest of things (including when it’s another person who needs to say it, not you). I’ve said ‘I’m sorry’ after someone said it to me, just because it feels like you should or it happens automatically. It’s also easy to feel as though you owe the world and everyone in it an apology, which isn’t true (unless you actually do for a particular reason, of course!) Great post πŸ™‚

  2. Yes I’m one of those that says sorry about everything. For example, when I go up to a salesperson or waitress to ask for something. Sometimes when I think about it, there’s really nothing to be sorry about. I mean it’s their jobs to be there for customers to ask them for help lol

    Great post!

  3. Nice post.. I do use sorry and thanks a lot of time. But I feel, this sorry concept came just to be polite with the person, whom we are disturbing. Excuse me is the word which replaces the word sorry most of the time. Excuse me leads to 2 meaning. One is to beg for the apology and another is to grab attention. I would prefer to consider 2nd one, instead of being sorry.

  4. Great post.

    Elle recently did a story on how men don’t apologize enough because we’re taught not to see ourselves as “at fault.” I agree with that. I certainly rarely do, but the author chose to ignore your points. In my opinion to the detriment of her piece.

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